Seminar in Swampscott to deal with legal, financial issues of aging - Swampscott, MA - The Swampscott Reporter

Death. Aging. Forging a legal will.

These are not light subject matters to be brought up at lunchtime or over dinner with friends. In fact they are incredibly dense, complicated, stressful things to think about, and it’s not uncommon for them to go unaddressed entirely.

“It deals with a lot of financial issues and that scares people,” says Swampscott resident Mark Friedman, owner of the New England home care agency Senior Helpers. “It’s the whole emotion of dealing with end of life issues … It’s incredibly personal.”

That’s why Friedman’s agency, in conjunction with Congregation Shirat Hayam, is sponsoring a daylong seminar Sunday, Oct. 17, that deals with everything from navigating the Medicare/Medicaid systems to spirituality and religious issues surrounding dying.

“With all the people I sit with — it’s an incredibly confusing state with a lot of data out there and not a lot of good information,” Friedman explains. “It’s an overwhelming topic. Unless you are in the midst of navigating it you have no idea. It has so many parts.”

Take the story of a former congregant of Shirat Hayam. It’s a sad story, one that Marla Gay, the director of congregational life at the synagogue, says represents why she thinks the seminar is so important.

Several years ago, the congregant passed away. This congregant had no immediate family, no will, and no advance directives for arrangements should she die unexpectedly. In fact the woman had no directives about what should happen if she were ever on life support; her case went to court when that did happen, and her niece had to be called in to make the decision.

“Her dying process was not dignified,” Gay recalls. “At that time the rabbi made the commitment that we wouldn’t let this happen to other people.”

Congregant Barbara Tobin-Forbush is one of the Oct. 17 event’s major planners. She recently shared her own story of how seniors can become misguided in the process.

She referred to her now-deceased parents as “snowbirds;” they were Marblehead residents who lived in Florida during the winter. While they were in Florida, they went to a seminar on funeral  planning and were talked into buying caskets and funeral packages. However, after the packages had been purchased they realized they wouldn’t be covered should they die in Massachusetts.

“I just felt people take advantage of seniors,” Tobin-Forbush said. “No one said to them, ‘This only covers you if you die in Florida.’”

The 59-year-old Forbush urges people in the community to think about these things now, even though the subject matter might not be so pleasant to consider.

“I have been wanting to do something like this for a long time,” she says. “It shouldn’t be just people in their 70s thinking about this … I don’t want my son to have to deal with this either.”

Gay says the hope for the symposium is to present the aging process from a multigenerational point of view.

A sampling of topics to be discussed throughout the day includes the talk entitled, “Navigation — What does it mean to be financially and legally prepared?” to be given by an elder law attorney.

Another topic relates to palliative care. That talk will be given by a representative from the Hospice of the North Shore. All speakers are volunteering their time.

“This is meant to summarize a lot of things and give people a basic understanding,” Gay says.

Friedman, a former synagogue president, says that when it comes to aging, the myriad of topics often confuses people. Take for instance elder care. Friedman wonders how many people actually can explain the difference between home care, assisted living care, nursing home care, or the many types of care in between.

Meanwhile, the topic of senior care is perhaps now timelier than ever.

According to statistics that Friedman’s culled together, seniors are now living a decade longer than their parents’ generation. Meanwhile, the oldest group of Americans (those 85 and older) is the country’s fastest growing age group.

Further, 21 percent of the adult population of the United States acts as caregivers either for loved ones or as a professional.

“The primary burden goes to a family member, usually the oldest daughter,” Friedman says.

That caregiver sometimes risks losing his or her job due to the responsibility, he added. On the flip side of that coin is that seniors today want to maintain their independence.

“This is a generation that doesn’t want to be a burden,” he added.

His message: Today’s baby boomer generation is about to face these issues and they need to be prepared.

“Every year this population is increasing in orders of magnitude,” Friedman concludes.

Couple that with changed public service options, and a bad economy — and the topic takes on even more significance.

“People need to have a better education because it’s not clear-cut,” he says.

On a personal level, Friedman says he can relate to the topic as he saw his parents try to navigate the system on behalf of his aging grandmother.

“Financially, she wasn’t prepared at the time,” he said.

 His goal with the symposium is to give people some good advice — because some of those seniors may have run out of people to turn to. They may have had to watch their children die, or they may be the last survivor among his or her friends.

“Just the emotion of that is overwhelming,” Friedman added.

Meanwhile, Tobin-Forbush is optimistic the event will be a success.

“If it goes well, hopefully we’ll do it again,” she says. “It’s so important.”

To purchase tickets, visit shirathayam.org. Tickets can also be purchased at the door the day of the event. The first 200 people to sign up for the seminar will be given free admittance. The seminar is open to the entire community.