Just Ask Jo: Top 5 IEP Do’s | iep, child, jennifer - Life - The Orange County Register

Dear Jo: Our daughter is turning three next month and will no longer be eligible for services through our local Regional Center. We have an IEP scheduled with our school district and I've heard so many horror stories from other parents who have had to endure these meetings. I'm nervous and need some advice. I want what's best for my daughter, but I don't want to make a fool out of myself either. Any advice at this point would be helpful! - IEP's Scare Me

Dear IEP's Scare Me: Welcome to the club! I say this with only the slightest bit of sarcasm. Though they get a bad rap, the truth is our children would be far worse off without IEP's. By having a contract in place you are at least able to more carefully monitor her progress and know that educators and specialists are accountable for the goals that are ultimately agreed upon. And unless you are able to afford a private school for your daughter that specializes in her specific needs, or you're willing to homeschool her, a public school classroom along with an IEP in place may be your only option at this time.

Jo Ashline lives in O.C. with her husband and two sons Ian, 7, and Andrew, 9, who has autism, epilepsy, and cystic fibrosis. Jo is passionate about writing, and aims to bring new information, promote compassion, provide resources and create a supportive community for and about families living with special needs. She writes two columns for OC Moms: This Modified Life, and Just Ask Jo.

To ask Jo a question relating to parenting a special needs child, email ashline02@sbcglobal.net.

Is it a flawed system? Of course! Is it a touchy subject at dinner parties? Heck yes! Should you believe everything you hear? Not unless you want to make yourself crazy before you even set foot in that room or have had a chance to sit in one of the tiniest chairs known to mankind.

Now, even though I've attended my fair share of IEP's on behalf of my son Andrew, I turned to Jennifer Lundy, a local Orange County mom who not only has four children with IEP's to contend with, but who is also a certified Special Needs Advocate through the Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates SEAT Program to help me come up with the Top 5 Do's for an IEP. This list is by no means comprehensive, but it is a great place for a beginner like you to start.

Do: "Take someone with you for moral support, especially if your child's father is unable to attend," says Jennifer. Note: this person is not a lawyer but rather a trusted friend or family member, and unless you have a weird arrangement, you should not be billed for their time. You don't want to show up with a lawyer to your first IEP anyway. Why? Well, first of all, they're really expensive, not to mention the fact that you'll set the tone for future IEP's if you go in with both fists swinging before you've had a chance to hear your team out. Just because your best friend's mother's neighbor's sister is embroiled in a legal battle with her school district over services -or lack thereof- doesn't mean you will be.

Do: "Ask for all reports, assessments, and proposed goals prior to the meeting so that you have enough time to read them," says Jennifer (and Google some terms if necessary).

Do: "Record your meeting. This allows you to review the meeting with the people who were unable to attend, such as your spouse," Jennifer advises. Note: by law, you are required to give your school district 24 hour notice that you will be recording the session.

Do: "Develop a collaborative relationship with the professionals who are part of your child's academic team," stresses Jennifer. You will not always agree. And yes, out of everyone seated around that table, you know your child best. But it's really hard to successfully work together when you've burned all your bridges and the feelings of animosity overshadow the ultimate goal of getting your child the right placement and program in place. Note: this does not mean that you have to become best friends with everyone in the room, nor should you sacrifice your child's potential in the hopes that you'll all be singing Kumbayah at the end of the meeting. But you'll be respected as a parent, and your IEP will be much more productive, if you maintain a professional attitude. However, if you find that despite several attempts at communicating your concerns you are being ignored, or your child's needs are not even remotely being met, it may be time to pinch some pennies, pick up the phone, and find an advocate who can best represent you and, more importantly, your child.

Do: "Ask lots of questions, take detailed notes, and make copies of everything," advises Jennifer .Then; rinse, lather, repeat. Keep all documents in a large binder with your adorable child's picture on the front, and try to stay organized from the very first meeting. Years from now, you'll be glad you did.