Countless women in Kashmir have been left to bring up their children alone following the 'enforced disappearance' of their husbands. Photograph: Jerome Delay/AP
Twenty-eight year old Haleema (name changed) is a resident of the predominantly Muslim Anantnag district of southern Kashmir. In a region where the literacy rate is 42% for men and 25% for most women, she is known in her community as a "half-widow", a term given to women whose husbands have completely disappeared and are still missing during the ongoing conflict in Kashmir.
Situated 55 kms (34.5 miles) south-east of Kashmir's capital, Srinagar, the large and strikingly beautiful Anantnag region has a population of 850,000. Called the "granary of the Kashmir Valley", the Anantnag is known as the home of rice and maize agriculture. The region is the third most highly populated district in Kashmir, after Srinagar and Baramulla, the rural areas where 89% of the population of Kashmir live.
Haleema feels alone, but she is not alone. She is one of countless women who have experienced the casualties of the Indo-Pakistani conflict on the border and violence inside Kashmir, with the "enforced disappearances" of husbands, fathers, brothers and children during 20 years of ongoing conflict.
While authorities estimate the missing to number approx 4,000, the Association of Disappeared Persons (APDP) estimates there are actually between 8,000 and 10,000 missing people in the region. The number of publicly announced and reported half-widows in the Kashmir valley is between 2,000 and 2,500. Along with the plight of 6,000 orphans, the children of half-widows who are affected deeply by the conflict, this issue adds much to the crisis. True data and numbers for both half-orphans and half-widows are thought to be much higher.
"Life has crushed me with a double tragedy," explains Haleema. "My husband has disappeared and I am all alone to look after my little children, especially their education."
It's been five years since Haleema's husband left for work in the morning never to return. Since then, she has received no news of him. Tired of tracing "my beloved", she desperately wants to move ahead to take care of herself and her three children. Haleema has developed a guilty wish to remarry for two reasons: economic and moral support.
According to a detailed 2007 report by the award winning Kashmir based journalist, Haroon Marani, the primary concern of families "is to find their missing person. They move from one police station to another, from one army camp to another and so on. It takes months and years".
During the years of conflict in Kashmir, it's not only the half-widows who have suffered. The half-orphans have also suffered heavily under the weight of lives with little opportunity. As a child's self-esteem is wrapped in the identity of a missing father, a generation of children are now living through the confusion of broken dreams.
In 2004, after spearheading numerous campaigns to help the women of Kashmir, 30-year-old Aasia Jeelani was killed when her car, filled with fellow activists, was destroyed in a landmine explosion in the village of Chandigam, northwest of Srinagar.
Trapped between years of territorial war between India and Pakistan, the women and girls of Kashmir have grown up knowing too much, too fast about conflict, trauma, bombs and violence. In the reach for equality many women and girls are left behind without a voice. Like Haleema, there are scores of hapless women caught in restrictions between Kashmir's laws and society.
The legal system and society confines half-widows and their children between the boundaries of the past and the present, where they hope against hope.
Haleema is considering remarriage, but her in-laws have warned her against doing so. Even if she takes a stand to go in this direction, there are many societal hurdles against mothers in Kashmir who ask to divorce their missing partners. There are many cases, even after 10 years, where a husband has been missing and widows have not been able to remarry. Responsibility to in-laws, children, property rights and other social factors act as the main barriers.
Enforced disappearances in Kashmir have created an aura of fear that weakens the families of the missing with invasive "collateral damage". The common opinion of many families is that they've been deprived of all rights and means of protection. Relatives of the missing are often left in a grueling state of uncertainty, where they can neither mourn nor live with any happiness.
As early as 1989, reports of enforced disappearances began in the Jammu Kashmir regions when a group of young men took up arms against what they term the "occupation" of the Indian government, chanting pro-freedom slogans of "Azadi". Due to lack of proper investigation, current numbers do not show how many people have actually disappeared. Fear of violent reprisal still causes many disappearance cases to go undocumented.
To file a missing persons report is not easy in Srinagar. Some families, while trying to report missing family members, have faced police pressure and intimidation after giving a report. Some have also had to move their plea to a different court just to register a first information report (fir). It is not uncommon for relatives to completely withdraw complaints due to fear.
The irony is that the government relief pension payment of 100,000 rupees ($2,253) per year is awarded only after families obtain a death certificate from district authorities. First, they must prove that the victim was never involved in any actions that might be interpreted as political militancy.
Senior advocate Zaffar Ahmad Shah says that the Dissolution of The Muslim Marriage Act, originally adopted in 1939 and approved in Jammu Kashmir in 1945, provides conditions under which a woman can clearly be divorced. Section 2 (i) of the act states that a widow may ask for a divorce if "the whereabouts of the husband have not been known for a period of four years". But this provision is often ignored in Kashmir, as women most often must fight their in-laws and in the courts for property rights in divorce.
The Jammu and Kashmir Coalition of Civil Society (JKCCS), a civil-rights group in Kashmir, has recently organised a conference entitled Half Widows and Orphans – a Way Forward in Islamic Jurisprudence, bringing together Islamic scholars and international social activists to discuss the ongoing plight of the half-widows.
"Half-widows are an issue which we have always tried to put into the limelight as much as possible," said JKCCS president and human rights attorney, Pervez Imroz.
Moving from pillar to post, some relatives of the disappeared who are more wealthy commit huge sums of money, time and resources toward their search for missing family members. Often they realize the system of justice will not provide proper investigation into the crimes of the disappeared. Even some police security forces have been known to become enemies in the search.
Dr Ayesha Ray, social science professor at Kings College, said during a June 2009 conference on human rights and civil society at Luis University in Rome: "It may come as no surprise that Kashmiri women have struggled and continue to struggle against societal discrimination and inequality. Not only have these women been subject to violence by the police, but many have also experienced intense suffering at the hands of militants as well as Indian security forces".
Scholars have not arrived at a consensus regarding the legal needs of half-widows. Thousands of women are currently languishing as they continue to experience identity crisis from the ambiguity of whether or not they are married or non-married. This struggle is indicative of a cultural gap in Kashmir whereby both the needs of women and the issue of their equality go unrecognised.
As Ray pointed out in Rome: "Rita Manchanda captures the situation and agony of Kashmiri women when she states that 'women have been the worst hit in the war on Kashmir. They have been killed in crossfire, shot at in public demonstrations, blown up in grenade explosions or in shelling across the line of control and have been raped by the militants'."
In a region where the majority of women have not reached education beyond the third grade level, advocacy, empowerment and legal knowledge are essential.
"To declare a missing person dead, a cleric versed in sharia law is needed," says senior journalist and rights activist Zahir-ud-Din.
"But they [the clerics] seem to be in a deep slumber and not ready to accept the [half-widows'] agony. They are not being given the rights that they deserve. These women do not fall in any of the categories fixed by various NGOs, orphanages or widows' homes".
"Only through a bottom-up approach can true changes be brought to Kashmir," says women's advocate and human rights activist Shelani Vanniaskam, of Brandeis University in the United States. "Empowering women is the first step towards this goal".
Tehmeena (name changed), who is 37, is a resident in the old city of Srinagar. She has waited for her husband's return home for 12 long years. After waiting so long, she married her husband's nephew, which is allowed in Islam. But Tehmeena had to face the wrath of her family and her neighbours. She is now not even allowed to enter the kitchen of her in-laws.
Scores of poor half-widows, who do not come from wealthy families in Kashmir, are living in desolate conditions and suffering psychological illnesses connected to war conflict, including an inclination towards suicide. Many have fallen prey to psychological problems including depression, phobia, emotional instability and post traumatic stress disorder.
Sadaqat Rehman, assistant professor in clinical psychology at Srinagar's psychiatric hospital, says: "Many half-widows are coming these days who are hypersensitive and shows signs of depression. We treat them with cognitive behavioural therapy.
Aasia Jeelani, a Kashmiri human rights activist, said: "There is glaring evidence that the suddenness of bereavements - and general and sexual violence - has caused an immense rise in psychiatric and psychosomatic illnesses in people. Doctors at the government psychiatry hospital say women comprise more than the 60% of the patients they examine. Experts agree, women have to bear the brunt of every tragedy. They have to support their family after the death of a husband, father, son or brother. Their injuries are more than physical".
"Life is so suffocating, yet I am living for my children," the still grief-stricken Haleema laments. "The disappearance of my husband has left me in a never-ending psychological agony".
The Association of Parents of Disappeared Persons (APDP), founded in 1994 by women's rights advocate Parveena Ahangar, is supported by lawyers and human rights activists in Kashmir. In 1991, Parveena's son, Javaid Ahangar, was abducted by Indian security forces and never heard of again.
The APDP, which deals with more than 300 families, supports campaigns to find out the truth about missing relatives. APDP also works for an end to the practice of enforced or involuntary disappearance, which is an international crime. "Our membership is spread all over Kashmir and is open to all the relatives of the victims of enforced disappearances," said Ahangar.
Organising regular inter-district meetings on the 10th of every month, APDP holds a public meeting in Srinagar for families to remember their missing loved ones. These public meetings exist to build pressure on state agencies to question authorities about the fate of their loved ones. The meetings also enable members to extend solidarity to each other, share information and review the status of their legal cases.
"Nobody appreciated my decision," continues Tehmeena as she continue son the theme of her remarriage. "All waves were against me. But I had to look after my two children. People pass very hurtful comments and nobody helps in the tough times".
For many half-widows, the constant dilemma of whether or not to remarry is juggled with a sense of loyalty and love for the missing husband. The considerations include children, too, whose very survival is a Herculean task for single mothers struggling with life, education for their children and their own money-making efforts.
As half-widows face hard and stressful "lives in limbo", opportunities are desperately few and far between. "The world must know how we grieve," adds Ahangar.
"I work with women whose husbands and sons have disappeared and who have no financial support, and I feel really helpless," said slain human rights and women's rights activist Aasia Jeelana. "When I hear the story, it brings tears to my eyes … After 10 years, they still don't know the whereabouts of their husbands or sons".
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