Money And Life Changes — Special Reports — Hidden Costs Of Divorce - CNBC

When most couples say “I do” they never imagine that their happily-ever-after could turn into a disaster that could end up costing a lot more than just heartbreak. For those potentially parting ways, there are some important pecuniary points to ponder.

“The actual costs of the divorce generally surprise most people,” says Brette Sember, family attorney and author of two books on the subject. The Divorce Handbook and The Divorce Organizer and Planner. “They don't have enough for the retainer for the attorney and are surprised by the amounts of the bills thereafter. I highly recommend considering mediation since it is a very cost effective way to resolve your divorce.”

When couples pursue traditional litigation, two attorneys are paid to negotiate and then, possibly, go to trial. In mediation, a neutral third party works through decisions with the couple.

"You can plan on mediation costing somewhere between a few thousand and $7,000, whereas if you litigate, you could spend $50,000," says Sember

Victoria Di Santo, of Berkeley Heights, NJ, says she and her ex-husband were able to keep costs to a minimum by doing a lot of careful planning before visiting their mediator.

“By going in prepared and having discussed how everything would be divided, we were able to keep our visits to a minimum and at $350 an hour, that’s huge,” says Di Santo. “I’ve had lawyers tell me that they’ve seen couples rack up $3,000 in legal fees because they spend their time in the lawyer’s office fighting over a $1,500 living room set. If you can take a practical approach, remove the emotions and try to think of it as a business transaction, you’ll save a lot of time energy and money.”

For most couples, the biggest asset they own jointly is a home. In most cases, either one person leaves or the property is sold to pay for new housing. That alone can make a big difference.

"When you're married, there's one pot of money that pays for all your household expenses," says Sember. "When you divorce, the pot of money stays the same but suddenly must support two households. It is difficult or impossible to maintain your standard of living.”

Two homes. Two cars. Twice as many utility bills.

For those who can’t afford to maintain two residences, a new, albeit uncomfortable situation has arisen in which divorced couples are living together rather than suffer additional financial hardships.

Linda E. Cole, author of "Living Together in Divorce", found so many couples forced into this predicament that she started the blog "Separated But Living Together. A New Trend for the 21st Century."

“A young couple with children wanting to divorce may not have the money to pay for it,” says Cole. “An average divorce in the [U.S.] can be around $15,000 and if you add to that the expense of a partner moving into a new residence, it is not surprising couples continue to live together.”

Cole adds that the slow recovery in the housing market is another reason couples can be divorced and living in the same house.

“The sale of it [the house] could bring, for many, more independence in their single future. Houses are not selling well in most parts of the world and this is slowing down a lot of divorces. On top of that a house may no longer be worth the amount a couple paid for it. Rather than sell it for less a lot of separated and divorced couples figure it is smarter to live in the same house and hold out for things to improve,” she says.

That family house is often used as a source for college funds.

Sember acknowledges that few people discuss how to pay for college when they have young children.

Di Santo said she and her former husband were careful to avoid that mistake and agreed to put away an equal amount each month for their daughter’s college tuition, even though it was still more than 15 years in the future.